It's Nothing Serious

Rudd Conquer Of Internet Moves on to Sex

In Tess LaCoil on June 26, 2009 at 1:47 pm
The latest victim to Rudds plan.

The latest victim in Rudd's sights.

Australian Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, today announced that after his wild success in banning various internet sites related to violent pornography and free speech he would go on to ban sex all together. The move has been applauded by lobby groups disgusted with the animalistic practices of the nation.

“I’m thrilled to hear that Rudd is taking a strong stance on this immorality,” one commented. “The rampant sexual deviance of the past decades will not be stood for.”

The legislation proposed contains clauses demanding that every individual of either sex wear full-length clothes at all times, even in the relentless Australian summer. Bikinis would be strictly banned as would budgie-smugglers and the iconic Australian thong. Footwear manufacturers were appalled at the move. “Who the fuck does Rudd think he is? The thong is a part of Australian culture, as much as the kangaroo or the warm beer!”

A ruling against sex itself is less easily enforced, so Rudd has proposed to employ his conquered internet to the task by setting up continuous run webcams in every bedroom and secluded spot. All children will be born by artificial insemination and beer adds required to feature nothing more leud than an exposed elbow.

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