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Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Giving Your Players Shitty Choices

In Uncategorized on June 15, 2014 at 12:36 pm

More stuff to read

Fiction, function and game design.

2013-07-31 23.58.34I grew up in a world where death happened more like an accident. That world was the 1990s tabletop roleplaying and those deaths were rarely a satisfying experience. Death happened more like an error made in a videogame. Except unlike a videogame no one in a tabletop game had a quickload button.

Back then, it was the GM’s job to balance an abstract world with very concrete rule set to protect the players from the game itself. But with the recent resurgence of dungeon crawlers and the modern paradigm of story-before-stats tabletop games, we’re seeing systems that rely much more on player authorship and collaboration than careful GM monster balancing.

This new perspective on roleplaying gives GMs the leeway to introduce dangers to the players without allowing your player to cheat. The new paradigm permeates the parts of the games that were once considered the holy realm of the GM. …

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I Rolled a 10 and Sexed a Guy With a Mustache.

In Uncategorized on April 10, 2014 at 9:28 am

My other blog, just in case someone else still reads this crap.

Fiction, function and game design.

I’m sitting in a café with four of my closest male friends. I roll a pair of dice and declare loudly that I’m seducing my mustachioed compatriot. No one at the table bats an eye. It’s weird; I’ve never really been close to other men and this may be the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with them. Actually, this may be the first time in my adult life I’ve had a close group of male friends.

Maybe that’s because I don’t like talking about sports or drinking beer.   It’s weird to write that; the beer-sports-thing seems like one of those stereotypes about men I think is bullshit.  But then I wind up at a party where some guy hands me a Budweiser and asks me about a starting quarterback for the Lakers. Those are the kinds of situations that make me so uncomfortable I sink into the crack of the…

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Underground Game Blogger Sells Out

In Uncategorized on August 12, 2009 at 4:47 pm

You can now read my column (much in the same style as this site) at The Escapist Magazine.

Thanks to everyone who contributed and read this site. Even the weirdos who were searching for Japanese porn and pictures of starving children.

Editors Note

In Uncategorized on July 28, 2009 at 1:55 pm

Thanks for visiting the site, we’re in the process of moving the site, I assure you that we’ll be coming back soon better than ever.

New York Man Arrested for Playing Videogames While Driving

In Uncategorized on July 20, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I need one of these for Peggle!

I need one of these for Peggle!

A New York man was  arrested going the speed  for going the speed limit today while playing Gran Turismo on his PS3. A local police officer stated:

“At first we thought he was just another drunk driver, but we quickly realized the truth when he we saw him swearing profusely at his rear view mirror. The driver had mounted the eight by eight inch LCD screen installed in the mirror and had taped his motion sensitive controller to the steering wheel, so as he turned it the car in the car in the game would turn too. He was doing fine till he got onto the highway [a real one] and started doing laps into oncoming traffic. I’ll be honest, it looked like a lot of fun, but it’s lucky we arrested him when we did; we found out later that he was planning to play Grand Theft Auto 4 next.”

This is the first what the city of New York is calling an enforcement of common sense, but has become widely unpopular with people seriously addicted to  World of Warcraft, and douchebags who can’t wait to get out of their car to play Sudoku on their iPhone.

25% of PS3 Players Return “Home”

In Uncategorized on July 17, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Who wouldn't want to come back to this?

Who wouldn't want to come back to this?

After underestimating how many of Second Life’s users use the game for bisexual furry BDSM encounters, Sony’s copycat virtual world , Home, was reported to have around only 1,750,000 of the 7 million people who signed up for the service return.  But Sony isn’t giving up on the business model quite yet.

With the advent of games like Second Life we were hoping that we could interest some of that demographic. This is just  another one of our famously good ideas sabotaged by our customers. We’ve learned a lot from other virtual services. Mostly that we need more pornography in Home.

Reasons users gave for not returning to home included “It sucks” “What’s the point?” and “How do I take this bitch’s clothes off?”

Asteroids Movie in Works.

In Seth Nicholas Abel, Uncategorized on July 2, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Hey, this movie needs more lasers!

Universal won rights to release a movie based on the asteroids game. The movie is slated to be a CGI heavy galactic adventure featuring Christian Bale with Rashida Jones as the love interest.

The story is about one man’s struggle to overcome a corrupt political system that has kidnapped his mysterious half sister who he’s never met and ultimately save the universe from ultimate destruction.

Danny Devito has also been rumored to have signed on to play the role of “Ceeppa Chook” a homely alien that speaks in Confucian riddles in broken English.

If successful the studio would like to move on to other classic game movies including Galgala, Joust, and even a Qbert movie featuring John Leguizamo.

Zork to Get Overhaul.

In Uncategorized on June 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm

It will look a lot like this.

Seeing the imminent success of the Monkey Island,  Activision is hard at work retooling a classic text adventure game, Zork III.

“We know this is exciting for everyone, we’ve been hard at work bringing you new ways to play an old boring game. We have spiced up the game with lots of new features and plans for expansion packs are on the horizon!”

Some of the improvements to the classic game we’re seen in a trailer video for the game, they include:

*Your choice of multiple fonts.

*Italics, bold, and more awesome styles!

*256 colors to choose from!

Activision promise that Zork III is not your daddy’s text adventure and have said that it will be on XBL for 1200 MS points before Christmas.